Called off work today - didn't really want to, but I failed in my attempt to get there. We've had so much damn snow; we're on a level two snow emergency now. What makes things worse for me is that I've had mild panic attacks while driving in snow ever since that accident I had (where Kay met a telephone pole, up close and personal). There's also the practical side of things: my deductable for my car isn't far off from my house payment - and my house payment is a little more than one paycheck out of the two I receive on the month. If I wreck my car, I'm negative almost one whole paycheck. Not good.

I spent most of the morning laying on my couch watching Dark Shadows and rearranging my furniture for the 100th time. I swear eventually I'll be able to post pics up here, but I keep changing things around still. My bedroom is half empty again because of the sudden inspiration to change things a bit. I picked up this awesome older chair at an antique shop this weekend (half off and very cheap!!!). It's Victorian style with dark red upholstery. The fabric is all original, and has no torn places. It's very tight and in excellent condition. I put it in my living room.

Next week will be my last week before I switch positions at work. I'm sort of looking forward to it, and yet not looking forward to it at the same time.

I've been going on a cleaning spree since Dad left - cleaning the carpet, mopping the floor, rearranging furniture... This weekend I'm going to a local antique mall to see what kind of furniture I can find. I love older furniture, especially Victorian style furniture. When I get some money, I may pick up a few pieces here and there for around the house. I need a coffee table so badly.... A special someone got me an awesome gargoyle statue that I want to put on a coffee table. And I like to eat while I'm watching my dvds.

I'm still waiting to get my desktop fixed because I have a few things I want to sell for some extra money and I need my desktop to do that properly. I found out that my Hot Toys Silk Spectre figure should be in this coming weekend and I need the money to buy her! :( I'm trying to be very careful with my money now that I'm on my own. I have friends offering to help me, which is appreciated, but I want to be able to make it by myself. I've picked out some things to sell so that I can have some spending money while I wait for my tax return - it's nothing I'll miss all that much; I've gotten way too much random stuff. Until I make more money at my job, that's how I have to be.

I've just been lounging around the house watching my Dark Shadows dvds. I think I'm finally able to get into the show again.... For a long time, I couldn't quite watch it, I think because it reminded me too much of my mom because it was something we shared. But lately I've been falling in love with it again. It sort of feels like coming home. I didn't realize how much I missed it.

I'm posting this entry on my new laptop. I didn't just randomly buy it - I didn't even really want to buy it - but I'm currently waiting to order a new motherboard from HP tomorrow for my desktop, as it died on Saturday morning. I don't want to have to reinstall my operating system, so I'm going to replace the motherboard with the exact same make and model to make sure it works properly. I got this laptop for a decent price, so it's not too bad, and I was going to buy one with my tax return money anyway. It feels weird. But it's not bad.

Dad left for Florida yesterday. He'd planned to go on Saturday, but KY and TN are supposed to be getting a lot of snow/ice today and tomorrow, and he didn't want to chance the roads being too bad. He has the dogs with him and he has to drive through the mountains. He should actually be arriving home right about now. I kind of freaked out right when he left. It's one of those things that doesn't hit you until it happens - until he put the dogs in the jeep and hugged me goodbye, it didn't feel real for a part of me, even though I knew it was going to happen. I cried because I will miss him, and he's very far away from me now. Our relationship has been bad, but it's never been because we don't love each other - it's life's circumstances and our difference in lifestyles.

I don't know that I'll be visiting him this year, as I already have an out of state vacation planned for the summer - but Florida is a likely vacation spot next year. Orlando, to be exact. And he only lives about an hour and twenty minutes southwest of it.

On a happy note, today's payday.

Yes. To find out if there is such a thing as an afterlife. I've always hoped there is because the thought of never seeing my grandfather, and especially my mom, again is hard. But I've never been able to just believe in something - my mind constantly questions the possibilities.

Dad has taken his things down to FL, and he'll be back tomorrow. Then all that's left for him to do is take the dogs. The feelings I get are all over the place - I'm sad, I'm scared, I'm free, I'm regretful, I'm determined..... I'm just on the edge of this really high cliff, and I think I can fly, but I'm afraid I'll fall.

Work has made everything worse as I've been forced out of my position, and while a part of me is actually relieved because of the stress and idiocy of my department, another part of me is angry over their reasons - by their own reasoning (it should be a part time position, not a full time one, I didn't have enough knowledge), they shouldn't have given it to me in the first place because they were aware of those things.

blackrose is taken from the song "Blackest Rose" by Midnight Syndicate, which is one of the most beautiful gothic instrumental pieces I've ever heard. I love it so much. It has such a haunting atmosphere and melody. The "kitty" part of it comes from my love of cats, as well as my first initial being K. It's a pretty boring explanation.


I've not had much to post - I haven't really been fangirling as much lately because everything going on in my life. I'm just freaked out about everything: the damn good, the freaking scary and the fucking horrible. The last one is all work.

Batman and Robin. UGH.

I remember my mother and I seeing that movie when it was first released, and I remember both of us walking out after it was over, wondering how we managed to stay through the whole thing.

There a lot of movies that, if I expect it to be bad, I won't bother to see them.

Dad's still waiting on the papers for his house - they should be delivered by FedEx today. It looks like next weekend will be when he rents a van and takes his stuff down to FL. Then he'll have to make one more trip up here for the dogs and that will be it.

I said I couldn't fit anymore furniture in my bedroom, but I lied. I ended up moving my four CD racks and my stereo into the living room, freeing up space for one more shelf. I'm using a boombox on my computer desk for my music when I'm on the computer. I'm going to get another IKEA Expedit shelf with some of my paycheck money this Saturday night (extra money on this paycheck - my vacation time and my bonus). I need to free up some space on my computer desk with my Watchmen stuff, and I'll need more shelves for my Transformers, too. The one I'm geting has four cubed shelves and it stands about my height. It's not that expensive and it goes with what I already have in the room - I have two other versions of the Expedit shelves, and a table in the same style.

I'm moving all of my books into the living room as well - I have this habit of thinking that I still live only in a bedroom. I've had to adjust to the mindset of having the whole house for my things.

I go back to work tomorrow, but my schedule, with the exception of Wednesday, is a good one.

We cleaned out the Transformers store on Saturday. He spent quite a bit more than me, but we got about the same amount of things. I bought seven items, mostly hard to find stuff from the first movie. The guy had good prices on things - he didn't overcharge on anything and he took some money off because we got so much stuff between the both of us. We then put together an IKEA shelf and I spent the rest of the night transferring my opened figures onto it. It looks really awesome. Just need my print enlarged to put above one side of it and my room is officially done. Can't put any more furniture in here, nor anything else on the walls.

Came home to find my water and electric bills have doubled, thanks to my father being here. He got pissy when I told him how much they were and was bitching about me asking for money, which I wasn't - but all of my friends agree that I damn well should because I gave him money when I lived with him. Whatever. I'm sick of him bitching about how he can't smoke in here, about how annoyed I get when the dogs climb on my bed and I have to constantly clean it, etc, etc, etc...... UMMM....IT'S MY HOUSE, K? THX!!!! BYE.

And he broke my statue - the one that had to be superglued last month. The one that cost a few hundred dollars. Shattered the hand and the weapon holding it. Didn't tell me when I got home and then when I asked him about it he started hollering at me like it was my fault he broke it. The pieces have been superglued back on, but I'm selling it and taking a loss. It disgusts me to look at it. It disgusts me that he didn't just come to me and say, "hey, I accidently broke your statue when I was in your room today, how much do I owe you?".

To make matters more blah, I got very, very sick last night. Dinner yesterday just really didn't agree with me at all. I went to bed at nine because I felt bad, then woke up at eleven and threw up dinner all over my bathroom rug. Yuck.

Just saw pics of the house Dad bought. It's very cute and clean. He went a little higher on price than he originally wanted, but everything in it is new and it comes fully furnished so it's a great deal. All he needs is a TV and he's set. It has four palm trees in the yard. He'll be back here late tonight or early tomorrow morning, and he'll finalize everything this coming week. He should be here for a week to a week and a half before he moves.

Wow.